About DarrkeThoughts

46-year-old, single parent living in Eugene, OR. I've worked in writing, web design, compuer programming, business systems, administration, trucking, security, and both slow & fast food. I attended Oregon Institute of Technology for 3 years (earning a associates "transfer degree") and completed my BS in IT with the University of Phoenix.

Alienating Women and Anyone Who Has Ever Paid Child Support…

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It’s hard to believe the republicans are so desperate to show that they are NOT OBAMA that they are attacking birth control as evil.  It’s somehow against their religious freedom to allow insurance companies to cover it.

Okay, I know there are some religions that frown on birth control.  Catholics in particular are rumored to believe that every sex act should result in a baby and no one should be having sex unless they want that baby.  And sex itself is a necessary evil.  I’m surprised the Catholic church is against artificial insemination (I believe I also heard THAT rumor a few years ago).  You’d think a nice, non-sex, way to have babies would be a great thing for a religion like that.  But it turns out they prefer the old-fashioned way even if it is kind of icky and sinful.

The problem as I see it is that not every one in America is Catholic.

Not to mention a good percentage of American Catholics aren’t exactly on the bandwagon about the no birth control – impossibly big family plan that the Catholic church proposes.

So what about all the other Americans?  What about the Methodists and Baptist and Atheists?  Are they supposed to be force to give up sex or have big families too?

What about the idea – I hate to mention it, but I can’t help myself – that big families are supposed to help your religion grow and fill the earth?  Wouldn’t it be kind of counter-productive to have other people also having lots of babies who were not going to be raised Catholic?

Okay, so it’s primarily a woman’s health issue.  Some women, as it turns out, want to do something other than live out their lives as breeding stock.  Some women are not actually built to be able to get pregnant and give birth and die trying.  Some realize that’s not a good idea medically and prefer not to die trying.  Some are single and need to support themselves and don’t think they can afford children.

So let’s cry about the evils of birth control and alienate all the women.  Hey, maybe we can even go back to the good old days when women weren’t allowed to vote!

But what about the men?

Have you ever heard of a father who didn’t like having to pay child support?  It seems like this birth control issue might be a problem for those deadbeat dads – and more of a problem for the dads who are struggling to keep up with their child support payments.

And what about the married men?  Ever think that they might want to quit after a child or two and have a little money left over for household repairs, vacations, or maybe a sports car?  (Well, they could give up sex… I guess.  But that doesn’t seem likely.)

No.  The birth control issue makes for some great headlines, but I can’t see it making much headway with thinking people around the country.

It’s so much cheaper to get birth control than an abortion.  And cheaper than paying for delivering a baby.  Not to mention raising a child and sending him/her to college some day.

As much sense as it seems to make to cover a preventative treatment like birth control, a friend of mine brought out the big guns the other day and had to mention how birth control was not a constitutional right.  I’m not sure why that’s relevant.  Neither is treatment for cancer, high blood pressure, or even band-aids to the best of my knowledge. And yet, that same friend didn’t seem to be saying that we should eliminate all health care in the country.

I suppose that’s just eliminate health care for those who can’t afford to pay for it themselves.  Of course, he’s ex-military, so he has pretty good health care already paid for by the US tax payers.  And he probably doesn’t need birth control either.

Paint me frustrated.

 

If…

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Mitt Romney doesn’t care about the very poor.  Of course, he’s not the incredibly insensitive asshole that makes him out to be.  He only meant to say that there are programs in place to take care of the very poor people in our country.

What gets me is that he says, “IF there are holes” in that safety net.

Of course there are holes.  We have veterans and college graduates living on the streets.  Not that I think there are people who deserve to be homeless.  But even if it was a matter of being responsible and “working” and “making good choices.”  So many people have done that and yet – somehow they fall through these cracks.

IF they exist.

I hope this statement isn’t forgotten too soon and that we will hear a lot of talk, and see it followed up with some action.  There are holes in the safety net.  There are too many people who are homeless or hungry.  We do need to make changes.

Kidney for Sale…

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Well, one more job interview has come and gone.  Not to me, but to someone with just a little more experience in that one vital thing that they were really hoping for. Even though they liked me and I had some really great experience, I just got edged out by that “slightly more and better” candidate.

There may be another job opening this summer.

In the meantime, every job I apply for seems to go this way.  Most of them like me, but there are just so many people looking right now that I find myself coming in second (or maybe third) all the time.  And meanwhile, I’ve used up my life savings, cashed in the retirement funds – and nearly spent all that too.

How do you hold out another 6 months – keep your family fed… ???

So my kid and I came up with this great idea the other night.  I happen to have an extra kidney.  It seems to be in pretty good shape, at least it’s keeping me healthy.  Why not sell it?  Anyone need a kidney?  Would it be worth paying my living expenses so I can keep looking for work for another year?

Just thinking…

The Problem with Marriage Equality

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Why can’t gay couples get married like anyone else? It’s taken me a long time and a lot of thought to finally sort it out for myself. I want to be in favor of equality, but I have issues with marriage.

You know the drill: “Traditional marriage is a contract between a man and a woman.”

But why? Why can’t two women have a contract? Why can’t too men? It never really made sense. And why should I care about what goes on behind closed doors in someone else’s bedroom? Continue reading “The Problem with Marriage Equality” »

Take a Shower and Get a Job

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Don’t I wish it was that easy?  I’ve been looking for a job for over a year and only managed to land one very temporary position that lasted for 2 months.

And I SWEAR… I take showers (especially before interviews)…

Still, with or without a shower, jobs aren’t that easy to find.  Rumor has it there are 6 people looking for every opening in my town.

I’ve got a college degree too.  And no, I haven’t gotten around to putting my application in at McDonalds or Walmart yet.  I’ve been focusing on jobs that I’m qualified to do.  And while I think that with my degree in IT I could learn to operate a cash register – even the kind with pictures instead of numbers – I have not got any real retail or fast food experience to help me get a foot in the door.

What about volunteer work?

Turns out you have to apply for THAT too.  And it helps to know someone… and be patient.  After 6 months of waiting I’m finally getting to do an orientation for a volunteer slot that has a 3 month commitment.

And I’m going to run completely out of money soon.  In 2 months I may not have a house to live in.  And how is that going to sit with my volunteer position – if I suddenly find myself with out a shower to take?

Yep, I’m headed down that road to becoming a “homeless bum”.  Me, and my 12-year-old son.  You might wonder why his dad doesn’t help – but dad’s been out of work for 3 years, run out of unemployment benefits, and can’t get on disability (which he really SHOULD qualify for) even though his health issues are probably the reason he can’t find work.

People just don’t want to take the risk of someone who might get sick being in their health insurance pool.

I wonder where people who think that their smart-ass comments like “take a shower and get a job” will take this country if we give them a chance?  Will things get better?  For whom?

Or will they get honest and quietly open a place to dispose of those of us people that have somehow fallen through the cracks no matter how hard we tried to do the right thing?

Improving Your Self-Esteem

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Your self-esteem is your opinion of yourself.  It’s not dependant on whether you are short or tall.  It depends on how you feel about being short or tall.  It can even depend on your definition of where short stops and tall begins.

These judgements that we make about ourselves (and often others as well) are the foundation of our self-esteem.  Have you heard the Bible saying… “Judge not least ye be judged?”  It doesn’t only apply to religion, God, or your neighbors judging you.  It also applies to how you judge yourself. Continue reading “Improving Your Self-Esteem” »

Borderline Personality

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When I was younger, I was “diagnosed” with “borderline personality“.  At the time I thought that had to do with having “no personality” and then someone told me that it meant I was developing another personality… as in “split personality.”

After reading up on borderline personality, I would describe it as having extremely low self-esteem.  Some of the characteristics of borderline personality include feelings of powerlessness, inner pain and turmoil, and limited coping skills.  They also are hypersensitive to any signs of rejection.

One of the symptoms of borderline personality is multiple failed attempts at suicide.  They may also harm themselves without the intention of actually committing suicide.  Cutting, for example.

Some people feel that those with borderline personalities are being manipulative.  It is unlikely that the person suffering from this condition is intentionally trying to manipulate others with their harmful acts, attempted suicide, or even “poor me” talk.

It is more likely that these actions are a result of the pain they feel and the inner belief that they are worthless.  They are expressing their pain.

Any attempt to try to help them feel better about themselves (like compliments) are likely to be dismissed because they don’t believe them. On the other hand, accusations that they are being manipulative, or just trying to get attention are likely to be magnified in their minds and only make their pain worse… possibly pushing them to greater attempts to harm themselves or increased self-pity.

Sub-Types in Borderline Personality

There are four sub-types of borderline personality (defined by Theodore Millon)

  1. Discouraged borderline: avoidant, depressive or dependant features.
  2. Impulsive borderline: histronic or antisocial features.
  3. Petulant borderline: passive aggressive features.
  4. Self-destructive borderline:  depressive or masochistic.

Causes of Borderline Personality

  •  Genetic pre-disposition: studies have shown higher instances of borderline personality in twins and in those with close relatives that have BPD.
  •  Childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. While sexual abuse is common for those with BPD, forms of neglect and emotional abuse may also be significant contributors.
  • Brain abnormalities (possibly caused by diseases like Lyme disease or lupus)
  • Hormonal shifts in pregnancy, menstration, or menopause.

Treatment and Recovery for BPD

People with borderline personality are often treated with psychotherapy over a long period of time.  Connecting with other BPD patients who can share coping strategies can be helpful.  Many with BPD tend to “outgrow” the condition as they get older.

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Depression

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So what is depression?

The characteristics of depression include sadness, lack of energy, and loss of interest.  This may or may not lead to outward signs like weight loss (or gain), crying, or missing work (or school).

For many people, being able to control those outward signs may hide the fact they are suffering inside.  If you see someone crying, you might assume they are depressed.  But would you guess that the person telling those cynical one-liners by the water cooler is also?

People who are depressed can hide behind humor, work, or excessive drugs and alcohol.

The Beginning

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My life began one foggy morning
on the northern coast.
Birth of waiting
Birth of wanting
A birth of spirit and soul
to flesh and blood.
recall and memories
adrift on the waters’ edge.
green mist engulf me
to tear apart, limb from limb
the deepest parts of me
Rambling on a vague idea
to discover
yet then to uncover
by digging away
at paper
with pen

Wildflower II

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I didn’t know where to go, but I had to go somewhere. When I get that wandering feeling I can’t stay in one place. I looked around, seeing only the church, parking lot, and a field of flowers separating it from a budding housing development, like those common in California. The church was new too. The building was freshly painted and the parking lot was new, dark asphalt with a few small, loose stones scattered across it. I kicked one, chased it, and kicked it again, until I saw a path at the far end of the parking lot and decided to see where it went.

“It’s strange,” I thought to myself, dragging my hand through the flowers like they were silk or fur. “I’m on a trip, away from my family, and instead of being homesick, I want to get farther away.” I jerked my hand away from the flowers, and jumped almost into the flowers on the other side, then started laughing as I watched the bee float upwards in a spiral, then down to another flower.

“Since when are you afraid of bees?” I asked myself, skipping a few feet down the path.

It was such a beautiful day outside, sun shinning, a few clouds floating on the wind that swayed the flowers and kept it from getting too hot. It was quiet except for the distant sound of people, the hum of bees, and an occasional word or two from some birds. The air smelled warm, damp, and growing.

One of the flowers caught my eye, more than one really. There were hundreds of white flowers, grouped together in a dozen clusters. One of these clusters had a violet flower at the center, instead of another white one. I bent over to look closer, making sure it was really in the center. Then I reached out to pull that cluster away from the others, checked the stem to see if that flower was really a part of the others, and not just an overgrown version of the purple flowers growing close to the ground. It wasn’t. I grabbed the stem to pick it so I could show it to the others. Then I looked at my watch and let the flower go. I still had time to walk further. I could pick it on the way back and it wouldn’t wilt before I could show everybody.

When I returned, I stopped for a few minutes to pick it. Maybe if I pressed it in my Bible it would last forever. Again I stopped myself, just before picking it, remembering, “Unless it dies and falls to the earth . . .”, and thinking, “This flower is so pretty. I want there to be more like it.” Pressing it into my memory, I left.

A Song to Life

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Bittersweet sadness fills my soul.
Tears well up behind barriers with in my eyes.
I feel.

For the first time I truly feel life.
Life around me, and life in me, and life in others.
How much desire has been created within me to live?
To exist and observe.
No other can do this.

There is so much I have yet to discover . . .
as if I were just being born now, the beginning?
Perhaps the tears are for the one who has died within me.
Perhaps for some future joy.
A song.
A song so powerful neither words nor music can express.
Life.

Life grows and breathes and . . . joy.
Living is joy.

It is good to live.

The Pull of Eyes

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The pull of eyes,
they look right through me.
the eyes of a child –
your eyes.

You in the mirror,
don’t tell them,
they don’t understand,
they don’t know.

They hear without listening,
look without seeing,
touch without feeling,
learn without knowing.

Your real identity.

Drinking Rain

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My eyes drink in the rain.
It dances on the windowsill.
It refreshes the earth,
renews life.

Life renewed in the shadows of my mind.
I see myself,
the self hidden from the world.
they will never understand.
Understanding.

Vision is clear to you.
You know what they don’t.
One simple thought.
I am . . .

Melody of Silence

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Dawn rises silently.
A thought gained in quiet moments.
A whisper of a breeze.
A footless path through the forest
A waterless river flowing to the sea.
A snow flake resting on a pink rose petal.
A bright red sunset.
A single light in the window.