And Now I Have Cash…

But my (former) boss doesn’t know that… I was at the bank (again) trying to cash his phoney check when he called to tell me he needed me to wait another week before the check would be good.

But guess what?

The bank thought it was good!  So I’ve got another month of living expenses now, and I got the stupid wage claim form filed with the state in hopes they can help me collect the OTHER half of my final paycheck that the bum owes me.

It was kind of hard to get out of my comfort zone and get those papers filed.  I’ve never had to do anything like that before.  I guess I have been lucky that most of my former employers have been more honest about paying people … and on time.

It’s good to have that behind me though. 

I still have taxes to file though.  It’s about the same amount of work.

Why don’t people pay you to jump through extra hoops to get paid for the work you already did?  Feels like work… I should get paid extra for having to do collections on this paycheck.

Really…

What is Self-Fulfillment?

Self-Fulfillment is achieving your hopes and dreams.  Reaching self-fulfillment will come as a result of your own efforts.  The goal at Healing Image Issues is to help as many people along their path to self-fulfillment as we can.  No one can do it for you, but we hope to point the way, warn you of some of the pitfalls along the way, and encourage you to keep going when you feel like quitting… or to get back up and try again if you fall down.

Another term for self-fulfillment is self-actualization.  That was coined by a psychologist, Kurt Goldstein.  It was later used by Abraham Maslow in his fairly well-known, hierarchy of needs.

In the hierarchy of needs, self-fulfillment lies at the very top. It’s difficult to find self-fulfillment when you are struggling with more basic needs like where your next meal is coming from, or feeling unloved.

Feeling unloved is a key symptom of low self-esteem.  Increasing your self-esteem, and your self-confidence is a key factor in reaching self-fulfillment.

You may wonder if reaching for self-fulfillment is selfish.  It can seem that way at times.  I’m sure people who are actively pursuing self-fulfillment hear this accusation from time to time.  If you pursue your own needs before someone else, especially if they are asking for your help, then they may call you selfish.  They may believe you are being selfish.  They may also be trying to “push your buttons” in order to manipulate you into doing things their way. (Which is actually kind of selfish of them, don’t you think?)

But let me ask you this…

If you had one dollar, and you knew you had the winning lottery numbers figured out, but on your way to buy your lottery ticket a homeless man asks you to give him your dollar… are you being selfish to say “no”?

I think you are not.  I actually think it is more selfish to give the man your dollar when you could win the lottery and buy him a whole meal, or even a house to live in.

While winning the lottery may not be a good example, pursuing your own self-fulfillment is a lot like having those winning lottery numbers.  Somewhere, deep down inside of you, you KNOW that you are special.  Everyone has something that only they can give back to the world.  Where would the world be if some of those people hadn’t found that special something and worked to develop it?

People who achieve great things in their lives are reaching self-fulfillment.  And in doing so, they can make the world a better place, make the kind of money that allows them to help others, give back gifts that only they could give.

You are special too, don’t you owe it to yourself and everyone else in your life to let those special gifts out?

Sure, it may seem selfish at times when you have to make choices about pursuing your own self-fulfillment or helping someone else.  And sometimes helping others will be the best way to reach self-fulfillment.  Always chasing the approval and goals of someone else is not.

Know what you want.

Set some boundaries.

And GO… live your dreams.

Borderline Personality

When I was younger, I was “diagnosed” with “borderline personality“.  At the time I thought that had to do with having “no personality” and then someone told me that it meant I was developing another personality… as in “split personality.”

After reading up on borderline personality, I would describe it as having extremely low self-esteem.  Some of the characteristics of borderline personality include feelings of powerlessness, inner pain and turmoil, and limited coping skills.  They also are hypersensitive to any signs of rejection.

One of the symptoms of borderline personality is multiple failed attempts at suicide.  They may also harm themselves without the intention of actually committing suicide.  Cutting, for example.

Some people feel that those with borderline personalities are being manipulative.  It is unlikely that the person suffering from this condition is intentionally trying to manipulate others with their harmful acts, attempted suicide, or even “poor me” talk.

It is more likely that these actions are a result of the pain they feel and the inner belief that they are worthless.  They are expressing their pain.

Any attempt to try to help them feel better about themselves (like compliments) are likely to be dismissed because they don’t believe them. On the other hand, accusations that they are being manipulative, or just trying to get attention are likely to be magnified in their minds and only make their pain worse… possibly pushing them to greater attempts to harm themselves or increased self-pity.

Sub-Types in Borderline Personality

There are four sub-types of borderline personality (defined by Theodore Millon)

  1. Discouraged borderline: avoidant, depressive or dependant features.
  2. Impulsive borderline: histronic or antisocial features.
  3. Petulant borderline: passive aggressive features.
  4. Self-destructive borderline:  depressive or masochistic.

Causes of Borderline Personality

  •  Genetic pre-disposition: studies have shown higher instances of borderline personality in twins and in those with close relatives that have BPD.
  •  Childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. While sexual abuse is common for those with BPD, forms of neglect and emotional abuse may also be significant contributors.
  • Brain abnormalities (possibly caused by diseases like Lyme disease or lupus)
  • Hormonal shifts in pregnancy, menstration, or menopause.

Treatment and Recovery for BPD

People with borderline personality are often treated with psychotherapy over a long period of time.  Connecting with other BPD patients who can share coping strategies can be helpful.  Many with BPD tend to “outgrow” the condition as they get older.

Related articles

I am Depressed…

The image illustrates some theory of famous ps...

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I wouldn’t call it major or chronic. 

I’ve suffered from depression before and no one was really ever able to decide exactly what type of depression I had (or have).  I’ve been labeled something different by every shrink I’ve ever talked to: chronic, severe, manic, borderline personality

If it’s a type of depression, someone out there thinks I have it.

In my case, having lived with it most of my life, I’m going to call it “situational depression.” I get depressed about a problem I’m having, or a situation I feel traped in and the depression disipates whenever I feel like there is hope or a way out of my current difficulty.

I suppose that would appear manic to some people.

I get depressed when I am stuck.  I get happy and have more energy when I believe taht there is a way out.  I apply that energy to following the plan that I’m believing will work.

I think that belief has a big roll in the mood.  Sometimes when you are depressed it’s hard to believe that anything could change or that it will ever get better.  It’s really easy to dismiss suggestions that others give you.  Their idea may seem too hard, or you may have tried it or something vey much like it before and it didn’t work. 

But there is also some part of being depressed that makes you more skeptical about how things will work out.  And it can keep you from being creative enough to come up with your own ideas and solutions too. 

Depression

So what is depression?

The characteristics of depression include sadness, lack of energy, and loss of interest.  This may or may not lead to outward signs like weight loss (or gain), crying, or missing work (or school).

For many people, being able to control those outward signs may hide the fact they are suffering inside.  If you see someone crying, you might assume they are depressed.  But would you guess that the person telling those cynical one-liners by the water cooler is also?

People who are depressed can hide behind humor, work, or excessive drugs and alcohol.

Why do People Object to the Redistribution of Wealth?

The main problem with this argument about redistributing wealth is that people fail to define exactly what “redistribution” and “wealth” mean in the first place.

For conservatives wealth is what they take home in their paycheck, and redistribution is any tax withheld. For liberals wealth is generally defined as the money in someone else’s (possibly Swiss) bank account, and redistribution is defined as paying their fair share of the taxes.

I want to avoid this misunderstanding by stating what I believe redistribution of wealth really is. Redistribution of wealth is when wealth is exchanged from one person or institution to another. This is the foundation of capitalism, and most other economic systems!

Redistribution of Wealth in Socialism

How would you feel, as a hard working middle class person, if the government taxed you 50% and then gave you food stamps to use instead of your paycheck next time you went grocery shopping? What if the government picked up your day care tab as well? What if they put a cap on how much your landlord could raise the rent? Or kicked in a standard amount toward that rent? Now your hard earned dollars could be used to pay for luxuries instead of necessities. This would be the dreaded socialism.

Who is going to pay for that? Well, the richest few percent of people would.

Does that mean that the government is going to confiscate everything they own? Of course not. It means they will pay higher taxes.  Maybe it would mean a 50% tax instead of 38%.  Maybe it would mean eliminating loopholes in the tax code.

Half of a million dollars is still much more than half of a middle class paycheck. And half of a billion dollars is still way more than that. People who work hard and earn more would still be able to live a better lifestyle than ordinary middle class folks. But the poorest of the poor would no longer have to worry about food, clothing, and shelter because these services would be provided to everyone.

 

Socialism as a “Right to Life” Issue

If socialism were done right, the “handouts” would be applied to everyone, including the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of the world. We’d all pay a little more in taxes, but those who worked would have more left over at the end of the month for the fun stuff because their basic needs were already covered. That’s how I define “right to life”… as a right to the necessities of life.

Taxes would be like your “membership fee” to use the services that your government provided. (Which is why I believe they should also be given to ALL citizens regardless of income.) Setting up taxes on a sliding scale gives everyone a fair chance at making the most of themselves. People who have homes can find jobs easier. Kids who aren’t starving learn more. People who have good health care can often prevent emergency room visits.

In the long run, a more socialistic system of redistributing our wealth could bring down the overall maintenance costs of society and level the playing field so more people could qualify as “wealthy” in the first place.

 

Redistribution of Wealth in Capitalism

Let’s say you have a great idea for a business or invention. You need money to start your new business to manufacture and market your new invention. So you go to a bank, family and friends, or an angel investor and ask them for a loan. They are redistributing their wealth to you. They do this because they believe you have a good idea and you will be redistributing even more wealth back to them after a reasonable period of time.

Or if you are a hard working individual and bring home a paycheck. You will probably be giving a portion to your landlord, the grocery store, maybe even the day care center. You are redistributing your wealth to the people and businesses that provide you with goods and services.

How to Keep Your New Years’ Resolutions

5 Tips for Making and Keeping Your Resolutions

My parents came into town last night and invited us to dinner at a buffet place. Talk about temptation! Good thing diet isn’t at the top of my list of resolutions this year. I did overhear a few snippets of conversation though as I walked around the restaurant. I think there may have been more than one broken resolution last night.

Have you broken your New Year’sResolutions yet?

I expect success at keeping my resolutions this year. I’ve learned a few things about resolutions and goal setting that help me get closer to the mark year after year.

Be Realistic

One of the best ways to keep things real is to look at what you’ve accomplished in the past. If you lost 20 pounds on your best diet attempt in the past, losing 100 pounds this year may not be realistic. However, losing 25 would be.

You want to pick goals that will challenge you.  Sometimes goals can be too easy and so fall victim to boredom and procrastination. The best goals will push you to try a little harder than you have in the past… but not too much harder.

On the other side of the coin, a goal that is unrealistic (based on past sxperience) will lead to discouragement and giving up… often before you’ve even really started.  An example of this would be someone who wanted to lose over 100 pounds this year and went back for seconds at that buffet.  Because the goal is so big, even one mistake may make it look impossible and give you are reason to admit failure early in the process.

Remember Where You Started

Speaking of process.  Reaching goals, or keeping your resolutions is a process.  Keep in mind that you don’t have to go cold turkey, or take an “all-or-nothing” approach.

Take some time to write down where you are now. Want to exercise more? Well, how much exercise are you doing now (or late last year)?

If you were running 2 miles a day, and then pushed it up to 5 miles. And then had some kind of setback that put you back to 3 miles. You are STILL keeping your resolution. (3 miles a day is more than 2 miles a day.)

If you haven’t been exercising at all, and resolved to do “more”, then even that one workout on New Year’s day has made you successful.  Keep pushing yourself.  Go from once a week to twice a week, and then to 3-4 times a week.  By the end of the year you may not only manage to exercise practically every day, you might even like it more because you have cut yourself some slack from time to time and worked up to your goal at a reasonable rate.

Sometimes it’s hard to realize how much you have already accomplished. So write it down somewhere that you can take a look now and then and see exactly how far you have come.

Keep Track of Your Progress

You don’t need to review your goals every day.  But you should review them on a regular basis.

Whether you review your progress daily, weekly, or even monthly, the review process will help you keep your goals in sight. It will let you know if your resolve is slipping and remind you to try harder before it’s too late and you feel like you can’t keep trying at all. It will also give you positive feedback when you are on track, and occasionally way out ahead, of your goals.

Acknowledging your progress can help you stay motivated. When you are doing well, don’t forget to reward yourself.  You might consider a night on the town, a shopping spree, or even just a pat on the back.

Feel Free to Change Your Mind

Don’t think of your New Year’s Resolutions as being set in stone. If you discover that your resolution to write daily is really ending up as writing 3 times a week, then be willing to revise your goal to be closer to your actual performance. This way you can feel good about what you are accomplishing instead of giving up because you had a bad day or two.

One of the things you discover when you monitor your progress is that the cost of your goal may not be worth the results you are achieving.  You may realize that there are other more important goals.

Or you may realize that even though your goal is still important to you, your time line is longer (or shorter) than you originally believed.

Let yourself change your mind from time to time.  It’s better to give up on a goal after serious evaluation than to just let it fall by the wayside.

Don’t Give Up

The most important thing about keeping your resolutions is to not give up. Remember this isn’t all or nothing. Just because you had one little cigarette this afternoon doesn’t mean you can’t stop smoking this year. You have all year to keep trying. By using these tips, especially tracking your progress, you can still keep your resolution this year.

Whatever your goals in life, if you keep them in mind and keep working toward them, eventually you will get there. You don’t really fail until you stop trying.

The Recorder

I am the one who keeps the records of all deeds and words which are in this hall. It is said I record a sentence as it is passed, yet for many years I have been here and I have seen and heard much –but never have I heard the Judge speak a single word.

A lady appeared here just the other day. She was a fine lady by all appearances. Her clothes were costly and her stance was proud. She wandered about the place many hours — and I thought she might remain. She looked upon many of the residents, most of which have been here longer than myself, with what appeared to me to be pity. On some for their humble pose, and others for their tattered garments. Then she looked upon the one who sits upon the throne. And her chin tilted up in a defiant manner. And her eyes iced over, or perhaps I only became aware that her eyes had that quality. Then she said in a loud voice, “it isn’t so, I’ve always done the best thing.” But no one answered and she turned on her heel and stomped off as a woman will do when she believes she has been wronged.

After she left a man came in. He had a proud bearing. He first noticed a cripple near the outer wall, who had only a few rags covering him. He wandered over to the cripple, distracted for a few moments and offered him his jacket. The cripple looked at him with a sparkle of recognition in his eye, then to the Judge. The man followed his gaze. And when he saw the Judge he fell to his knees sobbing. And there he remained.

The next to enter was a child. A small girl of four or five, with a sweet countenance. She was looking at the floor and taking giant steps, one at a time. Then suddenly, she stopped, looked at the Judge, smiled, then ran forward and hugged his leg.

Then a boy entered, and with him a girl. They appeared to be both very old and very young. They bore scars as if they had fought in many battles. They looked about, then walked somewhat timidly to the throne and knelt before it.

They were followed by a whole group who were shouting and arguing with one another. One by one they looked into the face of the Judge. The first, a rather slimy sort, unshaven, and most probably drunk, looked up. He fell to his knees, saying “I never woulda believe if’n I had’na…” And the next man shouting to his companion to “stand up for Pete’s sake, your makin’ a fool…” Then when his friend refused to stand, he left. And the rest of the group with him.

For many years I have watched one after another come, and most of them leave quickly. But some are drawn to the Judge and walk right up to the throne, while others fall right where they see him, weeping. Others leave rather violently and defiantly, as if they have been accused of a great many misdeeds–yet no one has said a word. And a few more leave rather regretfully, as if they would like to remain but they can’t bear to humble themselves. One or two have been drug in by very large men and are set down screaming and crying until they find a way out.

And so it goes until the end, when the Judge will speak to those who remain, and pardon them.

Robot

I have no desire –
to be a robot;
with an already mechanized
frame,
to allow anothers’ program
control my brain.
To lead or be led,
uncertain myself –
which direction to choose:
Turn right –
or wrong,
whichever state it leads me to.
It would be easier to –
accept
if I have sinned,
the punishment of
my own desire,
than the desires of them.

The Poem

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck .
How I pity the poor soul
who is measured by
rhythm and rhyme.
They may find
that day and night
disappear in time.
And words loose
their meaning
when bells of
the heart chime
But true poetry
is preserved in
every language
Even a cliche’ looses
it’s triteness
with it’s familiar
sound
so that new
wisdom is hailed
were only dead
lines were found.

Castles in the Clouds

Why would I desire
to see castles
in the clouds
or multitudes of
haloed angels
when I see the
power of God
inside of me?
What angel has
given me meat?
What cloud have
I walked upon?
Yet because I
see God as
a man
and solid in
fact –
They believe I
am blind
to the
Mysteries of the Universe
that they know
yet they know not
of their own soul.

Today’s News

As I sit and ponder
the state of the Union today.
With all the crises
that I’d never even know
if I didn’t turn on the t.v.
or read Newsweek
And so all that is so
important to us really,
truth be told,
doesn’t mean a thing
until one day
at the supermarket I
haven’t enough change
for a loaf of bread.
And many of my friends
have claimed I was blind
but it wasn’t so
I had my eyes closed.

Now that I’ve opened them
they still claim I
cannot see because I
do not see what
their visions whisper
to them at night.

Only what is real
and touches
me.
More than Reagan’s
latest in Iran
or Gobachev’s new
policy.
Just life and living
and some meaning
for it all.

Heart & Soul

The heart and soul
hearken to meanings,
and not to vibrations
in the air around –
nor to marks scratched
in symmetry across a page.
And for hand or mouth to
know of poetry is not,
but the heart guides the mouth
and soul steers the pen.